So the big day has finally arrived. Its my birthday....and I WILL cry if I want to, but I don't want to. Its been a very nice birthday weekend, and running into a good birthday week. (I believe that you have a birthday week, from the Friday before your birthday to the Friday after your birthday, except when its a milestone birthday: 30, 40, 50, then you have a birthday month). So my birthday week started on Friday night with my painting party, and the weekend was spent on my friends farm in the Swartland, and today is my big day. However, I am sick and at work while Tristan is still at home, but it will be fine. I know deep down I need to do something very important and nice tonight, but I am not sure what, and I am not sure if I feel like it.
So for all who want to wish me a happy birthday, you may now begin!!!! Thanks Martin, and your wishes were just in time....
happy birthday, Rosh HaShanah, Eid Mubarak and all the rest!!!!!!
My birthday parties are rarely something plain and normal. Three years ago I had a pottery painting birthday where everybody painted their own pottery, for my 30th I had a murder mystery dinner party where there were painted squares involved (its complicated), and this year I decided to have a painting party. It was at a venue called artjamming in Wembley Square. Each person chose their own size of canvas, and with that you get a 10min art lesson, and you can paint to your hearts content. It was great fun. There were about 8 of us, and we had a ball. Tristan and I painted exact size canvasses that are hanging over our bed at the moment, and my artist friend gave me his painting as a present, which is fantastic! The food was brilliant and done by Crush. I can recommend this for any party as the guys there are so good and helpful and it is allot of fun. Here are Tristan's my, and my artist friends paintings. You try and see who's is who's.
Spent Saturday on the farm again. The farm that has been there for me through my good and bad times in my life. The farm where Lucca feels free and runs around and is happy, and where Leche kept a 100m radius around the house in mortal fear of the two terror scotty dogs. It was good to be back and it was even better to have Tristan here with me. To share this one special past of my life with him!
So I know I have been saying allot about Lucca and his ear, and here are just two pics taken today of my kitchen. Lucca and Leche have been left in the kitchen since yesterday as I have had the carpets cleaned and am keeping them locked in the kitchen. These were the scenes from this afternoon. The speckled floor and wall are blood specks....
So I went to a swanky party at the US Embassy last night, where I met the US ambassador to South Africa and various other dignitaries and wanna be politicians. All in all it was a pretty boring party because everybody there seemed to know each other, and knew nobody, so I had to do the networking thing, but wasn't too into it, as there was nobody really important enough. The food was very mediocre and a little disappointing, but at least the Office Manager for the US embassy dragged me around the room introducing me to people who I will never remember like the US doctor and such. She is such a nice lady and such a down to earth person. After breakfast this morning at the V&A, I am ready for another day of sitting in the office killing myself coz nobody is working today, so there are no meetings set up.
You are such an amazing couple, who care for your children like none other. You have nursed a daughter back to life, you have raised children with fantastic morals, and you still keep on doing and supporting your children. This weekend you hosted a party for your daughters boyfriend, and it was like you hosted a party for one of your own. The party was amazing and everybody loved it because as is your way, you entertained and supported everybody and after that, still cleaned up.
Yolanda thanks you so much and feels so proud and happy you are her parents, and so do I.
My mood today is very similar to the weather outside. I am feeling very down and very dark and very rainy. Lucca's ear is not getting better at all, and I decided to put a plaster on his ear to stop the blood from going everywhere however, I have made it much worse. First I had to take the plaster off the ear and by doing that, pulled some hairs off his ear, so he was howling like mad. Then after I took it off, I realised that the ear has gone pussy under the plaster, and of course right after I took it off, he just went ballistic with the head shaking. When I tried to leave, he did his dramatic thing again. Running from the far side of the corridor and flinging himself against the front door whit his entire body, howling and screaming and crying as he does that. Then of course Leche joins in and they howl at each other like someone is cutting their throats. This is all adding to my stress and making my mood extremely bad and I feel like a thunder cloud is following me. Then there is an added stress around moving house and its all just a little too much for me today.... But I am sure it will all be better tomorrow, coz its a public holiday at least!
I had a great weekend. Expensive, but great. We went to get tattoo's but came back with a whole lot of other things, including a new couch and work shoes that are so new, its hurting my toes already and it is only 8:15.... The weekend was good and it was spent with Tristan and the dogs and doing nice stuff. Now I am in the office and its that weekend / Monday come down. I am so blue and feeling a little fluish (but that is no new), and want to be back in the weekend lying around or walking the dogs or just chilling. I am scared shitless again to start today and this week, specially when I have almost no appointments this week.....And these darn shoes are squeezing the living shit out of my toes!!!
So now you can see what I have been talking about the whole time. My dog doesn't have an eartip left. I feel so sad and helpless once again with him. Surely there must be something to be done! I miss my friendly loving full of life boy.
I know I have been talking allot about Lucca the past few days, but it really bugs me and he is not good at all. We had a brief return to normality yesterday afternoon, but this morning its all back to anxious head shaking, and blood everywhere in the house. I am so unsettled about this.
So I want to know what is the meaning and purpose of dreams. I constantly have dreams about weird things and don't know what the hell it means. I am sure there are a few esoterics hanging around the outskirts, waiting to tell me its the universe or some spiritual being telling me something about my subconscious desires that needs to explored, but I am afraid that doesn't cut it for me. I dreamt about driving in Joburg town last night with my mother following me in another car, and then there was a smash and grab behind me and then I left my car and walked to the building I was going to and was very worried about my mom in the car following me. finally got to the building and then my mom was there and I was so happy I cried. So, this is your chance. What is the universe trying to tell me? What are dreams, and what do they mean. Was this dream motivated by an earlier discussion about smash and grabs, or is it something much deeper? Whatever it is, I want to know. I don't like waking up and feeling emotionally drained.
There was a discussion this morning on Goodhope FM about how people's music in their cars are being played: Audible = You can hear it in your car. Loud = the guy in the next car can hear it. Offensive = the windows of the car 2km away are vibrating. There were a few people who phoned in and said it is extremely offensive when the music is so loud you cant even think. I just have two questions:
1) Barring one white guy I know ;-), why is it predominantly the coloured community who have this problem of playing the music so loud that it is offensive.
2) What is the deal with that? Why do you think you are so special or its your right to play your music so loud that nobody else around you can listen to their own music. Not everybody likes the same kinds of music, and just as I don't want to hear some bloke's collection of Bles Bridges hits blaring out of his car, I am sure nobody wants to hear my kind of music.
I believe it is pure arrogance that drives people to have their music this loud. They just don't care about anybody else, and very often use the phrases, if you don't like it, don't listen to it....well I don't listen to it, but you force me to listen to it because it is so loud that it drowns out any real music.
What they decided on the radio was that the motivation behind the big speakers and loud music was attention seeking, and that those people eventually grow up. I think it is just a total disrespect for anybody else, which is the primary driving force for teenagers in our country at the moment. So yes, grow up and start earning and giving respect to others around you!!
I am extremely tired the past few days. It might be because I am actually working now and I can feel it. It might be because I am just run down and have had this looming cold for over 2 weeks now. It might be because I am very worried about my dog, and about how he has changed. Actually I don't know what is wrong with me, but I am really tired, really edgy and really feeling aggressive and confrontational. I think I need a holiday, I think I need a hug!!!
I feel so sorry for my little dog Lucca. He used to be such a nice loving friendly energetic little dog, with no issues and no problems, just happy to be alive and happy to be living with us. In the past two years he has developed all sorts of illnesses and little things that turned him into a real neurotic little anxious dog. It started with his bum. He had issues with his anal glands, where they were genetically not expressing themselves, so they had to be expressed manually for about 4 months. Eventually they got removed in a very scary operation, and then he started this anxious neurotic behaviour. he could not stop running around and trying to get away from his own bum. Then there were the many bites he had to endure. He got bitten about 4 times in a month. With one that made a very big scar for ever. Now he has developed a genetic disease in his ears that can not be cured but only controlled. The problem is it itches and he shakes his head uncontrollably. By doing this, he causes his ear tips to split and make sores. The sores will not heal because he keeps on shaking his head. Its turned my lovely little dog into a head shaking, neurotic, constantly running around, never giving love to anybody kinda dog. I also know that me leaving him alone over night as much as I used to in the past, has added to the way he is now. I am so sad and feel so sorry for him. He used to be such a friendly little bugger.
Well its the tree outside my house on the sidewalk, but I asked for it to be planted, so its my tree. Its growing and making leaves and turning into a real tree. Its got the same amount of leaves as the other one Tristan.
I had a very bad night last night. Lucca kept me awake until 02:00am this morning, because of his ears or his bum or his feet or his nose or his tail or something psychological. I am getting tired of him being so anxious and hypochondriac-ish. Cant I just have a normal dog that has normal issues and get it over and done with. This morning his one ear is bleeding again because he has spent the entire night shaking his head. Will those ears never heal? What am I supposed to do? At least I got to work and got some positive input from one of my directors about my past week. He was very happy with what I have done so far. As for my house excitement, I got very excited yesterday afternoon when we sort of decided to look for a place to buy. Finally we can get a place that we own and we can change as much as we want. Finally all those hours of watching the BBC Leisure channel of home improvement programs will pay off. I am positive for this Monday though. Its gonna be a good one!!
Its Friday evening and the full week is finally over. The weekend is here and after feeling like am Italian restaurant the whole day, its now time for me to relax. Opened the windows to let the place feel bigger and waiting for Tristan to finish with the dishes so I can make supper. Some drunk students are having a mini party on the sidewalk below and breaking their glasses coz at 19:00 they are so drunk already that the glass just falls out of their hands. This after I had to deal with the worst day of driving ever, just because some people in Cape Town think it is their given right to drive in the slow lane at 20km/hour and get pissed off with you for hooting at them. Fucking Capetonians!
I am having one of those weird days today. One of those days where I have an epiphany and realise what it is that I am good at, and what I can and cant do. I was in a meeting this morning with a client and SAA, and when the SAA rep started talking, I felt my insides boiling up and I got so excited. Even though I really love my job here and and love the company and think the properties are amazing, i think my passion is definitely the airlines. I miss my job at Nationwide Airlines. Also I sort of feel like I am in too deep with my new job again today. I realise it must be some sort of emotional issue I have, but still, I feel a little out of my depth again today.
Today was the first run of the amazing particle collider. Its a cylinder that is 17 miles long, and was built by European scientist at a cost of $3.8 billion. Its in Geneva and today they started it up and forced the first particle through the tube. Now there are two schools of thought around this. One comes from a bunch of older gentlemen, in white coats, with wild hair and who have never had sex (scientists) who believe this will give us great insight into what happened a few seconds after the big bang happened. They will be able to establish the way the world was formed. The other school of thought believes that we will be creating small pockets of balck holes, that will keep on growing and eventually cause the end of the world. I have no concerns about any of these things. My one and only question for this entire expansive experiment is..... WHY? Why do people spend $3.8 billion on something so insignificant. Who cares about the first few seconds after the big bang. What a waste of money!!!
There seems to be a huge debate on at the moment around a cartoon by Zapiro about Zuma raping our justice system. This morning on Goodhope FM, the ever popular Nigel remarked on how he thinks Zapiro crossed the line this time. Specially knowing that a woman gets raped every 12 minutes in South Africa. I normally don't have an opinion on political issues that doesn't bother me, but this does bug me. I think Zapiro intended to illustrate how Zuma raped someone, and got away with it, because he fucked the justice system, and is now continuing to do so by trying to stop enquiries into his shady past. I think his cartoon is exactly right. Jacob Zuma is by no means an example of a model citizen, and is the most corrupt and morally unjust person in the country, and is now wanting to run the country. Zapiro won an award at the South African Comedy Awards for best humorous cartoonist, and in his acceptance speech he said that this cartoon was not meant to be funny, and if you think it is funny, there is something wrong with you.
Last night we were lucky enough to go to the South African Comedy Awards. It was allot of fun. There were some great acts and really good awards. The Vodacom add "We've been having it" won the award for the best comedic advert. The surprise for the evening was that the Mayor Helen Zille walked out onto stage and presented an award. She was so funny and was great at it, but true to her German form, before she walked off, she cleared out the podium and took all the previous "envelopes" with her. Then Tristan also got his fix, and in fact is still talking about it and fantasising about it. Janez Vermeiren walked onto the stage as a presenter with his shirt off and pretended to be god's gift again. Tristan has a little crush on him, I think he has a nice body, but he is not my cup of tea. All in all it was a good night and tonight its off to the actual shows, and then on Saturday night its off to the Puppetry of the Penis show, but that's a story for another day.....
I had a phenomenal weekend. Kate, Steye, Tristan and I decided to go up the west coast and onto Clanwillima to look at the yearly wild flowers. It was so special. We drive to Darling and saw the most amazing wild flowers just growing randomly in a field. Drove on to the West Coast Reserve and saw some more flowers, but the best was on Sunday when we drove over the mountain from Clanwilliam to the Biedouw Valley. There were fields of orange flowers and we stopped and frolicked in the fields. I have photos, but I am a film kinda guy, so have to develop them. In Clanwilliam we stayed in a guesthouse, that was really nice, but very Afrikaans. The decor was a little kitch and flowery, and true to form, out of the two rooms, we got the gayest looking room. It was pink with pink everything, from bedding to lamps to curtains. On our way back we stopped over at "the farm". This is a very special place to me. Last year, while I was going through a very difficult time in my life, I used to go up to the farm and stay there for the weekend with the most amazing people. I was left to do whatever I wanted to and to just unwind and feel safe. Lucca used to come with me and he loved it just as much. He used to go around the farm sniffing and investigating everything. I haven't been there in a few months, but am planning to make return trips there again often from now on. All in all, it was a really good weekend, spent with amazing friends, reconnecting with old friends, and being with Tristan. Then it was Sunday night...
There is another storm pounding the Peninsula but this time it is not as bad as last week. Its so bizarre, spent the weekend up the coast watching flowers in 28 degrees weather and sunshine and today its raining again. This is the weather I am used to in Cape Town in winter but everybody argues with me. To top it all, you have a load of Capetonians trying to drive in this weather, when they can't drive for shit in dry weather!
This is not a moment at 3am when you get woken up and evacuated out of your building (Tristan). You get these moments in life where you get the most amazing clarity, after you have spent about two days and three nights of worrying and lying awake and wondering about what is happening or going to happen. After all of this, you get that one moment of absolute clarity where you feel everything is making sense and everything will be fine and you feel relieved. Last night we watched Eli Stone and a guy on there said he had one of these moments, but believed it was God speaking to him. This made me think about what God sounds like. How do we hear God's voice? I believe that everybody hears God in very different ways. I have had many 3am moments and yes, on some occasions I have heard God speak to me. I have heard, and seen God in many other places and ways also. I think we must all be very aware of what happens around us and specially on a subconscious or spiritual level. God speaks to us all the time, we just need to listen very carefully.
I know this is very hard to believe, but men actually also get PMS. There was a study done by Dr Aimee Aubeeluck who found that men suffer from most of the same symptoms as woman that are associated with PMS. These include things like antisocial feelings, poor concentration, depression, lack of arousal. I believe this to be 100% true (coz you cant get 110%). I am at that stage at the moment. I am feeling very down, drained and just not on top of my game. Everything is wrong today. My pants don't fit, they are too short, my hair looks funny, my skin is in bad shape, my tummy is giving me trouble...its all just falling apart. Haven't been able to concentrate since yesterday afternoon and feeling very antisocial. So what do we do about this. Can we also scream and shout and blame MPMS (Male Pre-menstrual Stress). Do we act like absolute assholes and blame MPMS. Can we stay at home with MPMS cramps? No, we are men so we have to just work through it, because most people don't even acknowledge that this exists. So what I am trying to say at the moment is: Stay out of my way, unless you are Tristan, don't speak to me don't try and antagonise me, just leave me alone until I am better. That should be in 2021.
Had this discussion last night with someone, and not sure he got what I was saying. He felt really bad and upset yesterday about his boss who is doing really well, but was disillusioned about the status of his office chars housing. He thought they still lived in shacks, and wanted to do something for them in the Cape storms. My discussion mate felt that his boss was very well off, and had the means to 'change these people's lives' by buying them houses and giving them money. He also felt that his boss was obliged to do something. I did not agree. I tried to explain that I don't believe just because someone has money, they need to give it to the poor previously disadvantaged black people. He has a really good heart and wants to help everybody in need. My issue is just that there is so much apartheid guilt flying around, and allot of people expect you, as a white person, to just give and give because of what a previous government did, about 20 years before we were born!!! This is why I tried to explain that I am just a hard ass, and apartheid was from the 50's to the late 80's. They have had 20 years to blame it for all their issues, but it is over now. You need to get off the apartheid cross, coz we need the wood for fire. Stop blaming apartheid and start bettering yourself, because nobody else is going to do it for you. I tried to explain that I am not going to give anybody, black or white, sympathy or financial help, because I, like most South Africans, work our asses off for what we have in life. I have not "prospered" from apartheid, I worked and earned everything I have. I don't own my own house. I rent a house that also floods when it rains allot. Do I also qualify for a new house bought for me by my boss, or is that reserved for people of colour? Ans is it only for dark coloured people, or can any person of colour claim a house from their boss? I know I sound patronising, but I am tired of hearing about having to give give give to only "some" members of society. When are they ever going to learn to earn money, hold a job and support themselves, if they constantly live off handouts. South Africa has successfully become a hand out country, where we depend on hand outs before we work for ourselves.
Its my first day at the new job. Did a hell of an induction this morning, and it was interesting. Just got my laptop (which is as old as the Mother City), and am now trying to get my head around a few things. Basically its not even remotely as bad as I thought it would be, so here we go.... Bring on the corporates!!!