Mechanics of Relationships

Why can being with someone and loving someone not be easy. Why do we have to battle through this endless mine field of trip wire, that could ignite an entire lifetime of burns. What do you do, do you just run through them as fast as you can, knowing you will trip them all off but hope that by running the effect of the tripwire will miss you. Or do you carefully tip-toe around the tripwire so you don't set anything off, and thereby go through the entire field on your toes always balancing and always scared you are going to fall. Do you turn your head away from the blast every time you set off a wire, in the hopes that if you don't see the blast, it cant hurt you. What is the right way of dealing with these wires. Maybe it is just the chemistry of working together to get the perfect mix of how to handle them. Something that both of you would be happy to do when you do encounter a nasty tripwire. The problem lies in what is the perfect middle ground. I might have set off a tripwire again, and true to my form, I ran through it as fast as I can, hoping that on the other side, I was out and it was off and done. Well, its a very long process this loving someone. And these darn tripwires sure don't make it any easier.

Dying of a broken heart

There is a couple in my church that had been married for over 60 years. They had a son, who is now living in New Zealand, and lived a really nice life. They had been in our church for over 40 years. Koot and Rita Taite. In the beginning of this year, oom Koot passed away from cancer, and today in church we were told that his wife, aunt Rita, passed away this week. This made me think about how people always speak of couples who die within a few months of each other because they cant live without each other.


I thought about this the whole day and finally understand why this happens. Imagine if you would, for your first 18 years of your life, you look for that perfect partner, and then you find them, and spend the next 60 years with just this person, building on a life with this person. No wonder after 60 years, when this person passes away, you are at such a loss and you feel so empty that you do nothing but die faster to be with them again. When they are gone, you have nothing to live for, because not only has the past 60 years of your life consisted of being with, living for and being part of this person, but for the past 6 months, you have taken care of and watched the one person you love more than life, die.

What an amazing feeling of oneness and loving and being loved. The whole world should feel like that.

The Love Rock

I found this Rock on our hike, and it was so appropriate, coz thats all I felt on the entire walk. For Nature, for God's creation, for friends like Kate, and mostly for Tristan....

The Back Door

I had a chat to a friend of mine today, as we both sat waiting to be interviewed for the same job. We spoke about many things but the one thing that I remembered most was when we spoke about love and lovers and the past. He made such a good point, that I have proven myself. You can not go on with the future or with anything in the future, if you haven't dealt with and closed the book on the past. I think of my house in Walmer Estate. I keep the back door open for the dogs all the time. When I get guest, and it is windy, I can not open the front door unless I have closed the back door first. If I do, the wind will slam the back door and probably break something in the process. Therefore, deal with the back door first and close it, before you open the front door, otherwise you might break not just our heart, but that of others. I have closed that back door, and when I opened the front door, the wind drifted in bringing with it the sweet smell of the flowers and the rain that fills my house.

What we can learn from Dogs

For the first time ever, my blog post does not belong to me. I got sent this, and thought it was brilliant:

Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:
-When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
-Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.
-Take naps.
-Stretch before rising.
-Run, romp, and play daily.
-Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
-Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
-On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
-On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
-When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
-Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
-Be loyal.
-Never pretend to be something you're not.
-If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
-When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

Bathing in your Love's rays

Saw this title last night for a song we were listening to, and it was so apt. I feel like I am being engulfed by love and being overwhelmed by the sheer goodness and bliss of being at this point in my life. It is always so nice to be wanted by someone and be liked by someone else. In a small way I suppose it quantifies your existence. Not that it should dominate your existence or direct your path in life, but it is nice none the less. Just being held with a loving touch and being told how wonderful and sexy you are. These are the basking moments, and I enjoy them and cherish them for as long as they last.

The Broken Heart

I had a conversation last night. When you start seeing someone, you always get told by everybody around you, to not 'fall too fast' and 'take it slow' and 'hold back'. Why the hell would you want to do that? I have never understood those statements. When I fall in love with someone, I can only love with my whole heart and whole being. There is nothing better than giving yourself completely over to someone else and placing your emotions and heart in their hands. Its that unconditional surrender of self that makes life and love so interesting. Yes, there is the possibility that you will get hurt. They might drop your heart and shatter it into millions of pieces. I always imagine the heart to be like Mercury. All those millions of pieces find their way back to each other and melt together to form your heart again. Sure every time when they melt together again the heart doesn't quite look the same as the last time, but those are the scars and bumps and cracks that forms your heart and gives it character. There is no other way for me but to love with my whole being. To me, that is what a relationship is all about. Its like taking a piece of green clay and a piece of red clay and mushing it together. You get one piece of clay, with streaks of green and streaks of red. And if you keep on mushing it and playing with it, you get a piece if clay with a totally new colour. So my advise to everybody is, be daring, be reckless, entrust your heart to someone else, if they drop it, then get those pieces to together and patch it up again, but can you imagine how spectacular it would be if that person cherishes and loves and caresses it and heals all the broken pieces and scars. I will risk the break to have a little bit of caressing.

New life

The rain that fell today, washes the world clean and makes way for new life. New things to happen and new adventures. The rain makes it all fresh and new. So its fitting that the rain also makes space for new life to grow in my soul. Maybe its like a flower that blooms for a few days and then starts to wither, maybe its like a tree that grows and lives and will be around forever. Whatever it is, I will appreciate it for the beauty it brings in my life and the joy it creates for now. If it lasts then there is much to appreciate, if it withers, then at least I had the few moments of new life and excitement in my life. The new rain brings new life.

Let it rain down

Today's Rumi

I went crazy last night, love ran into me and said:
'I am coming, do not shout, do not tear your clothes, speak no more.'
'O love!' I said: 'I am afraid of other things.'
'There is nothing else' it said: 'speak no more.
I shall whisper hidden words into your ear;
You just nod in approval! except in secret speak no more!'

- Rumi

Art as flirtation and Surrender

In your light I learn how to love.
In your beauty, how to make poems.
You dance inside my chest,
where no one sees you,
but sometimes I do,
and that sight becomes this art.

-Rumi

Early Rising

Something interesting happened this morning. I woke up at 6am, not very different from any other morning, but this time I actually got up and wanted to go to gym. It was a strange feeling, I must admit, but I found myself quite excited to get to gym, early, and so got ready and was out of the house by 6:15am. Got to gym and when I got upstairs in the training section, I found myself automatically scanning the floor, looking around. What was I frantically looking for this early in the morning. Only when my eyes finally found what they were searching for, did I realize why I am so happy to go to gym, and what I was searching for. A nice smile, a nod of the head, and a "hi Jacob"..... Ahhhhhhh let the day begin. Bring on the weights, bring on the day, bring on HB, bring it all on. I think I like someone.....

Manhattans Sunday night

I am constantly baffled by how and why people get together. There are couples out there that you take one look at and then have to, at the top of your voice, shout out ..... "Miss match"!!!! Then there are people who you look at and you get that glare in your eyes and you have to tilt your head to one side, and with a pouted lip remark ... "Ahhhhhh". Then there are couple who you look at and just think what the hell are you thinking.

Whatever it is, people come together and stay together and are together, and they are happy. So i will stop questioning why people get together, and just remark on if they are happy together. If THEY are happy together, why should I worry.

He is your type, because you are together.....Enjoy it!!!!!

I look at my hands, two of them, gripping my dogs and playing with them. I look at my feet, two of them, walking on the promenade for hours with no pain. I listen to my voice, clear and crisp, talking to others. I am fine, I am healthy, I am whole.

I look at your hands, one closed one open. You cant hold your own child with open hands. I look at your feet, one walking one dragging. A daily walk for me is a gargantuan struggle for you. I hear you speak and listen to the muffled slurred speech.

Locked-in syndrome. Does it mean locked in your body only, or does it mean locked in a body that isn't yours. I think I finally understand what it is to wake up in the morning and leave half your body in bed. The struggle of getting people to understand you, to accept you, to respect you. To be you inside you, but not you that you should be.

With this broken, shattered body, you still mange to inspire people, to love people, to cherish people, to respect people, to prove people wrong, to make people Believe. I am those people.

I want to inspire like you do
I want to love like you do
I want to cherish like you do
I want to respect like you do
I want to believe like you do

Yolanda, you are my one constant star of Bethlehem, and I love you till the end of time.

New Beginnings

I will try to open myself to the new beginnings in my life. To shrug off the old and musty odor in my clothes that I love so much and want to smell all the time, even though I know it doesn't smell good. I will try to limit contact and know that it is better for me. I will try to be hopeful and open for new fresh horizons, filling my life with sweet smells of life that will kill my addict and make me loose all interest in the musty smell.

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Thanks Kitty

Sweet comic Valentine.......
you make me smile
with my heart

Forms of Love

Love manifests itself in many ways. To some love means caring enough for someone to shave them, even if they will shout at you in a foreign accent. Others believe love means showering someone with expensive gifts. For others love is the feeling of contentment when you wake up in the morning in a lovers arms. Some find love in the cheerful eyes of a dog or cat, while others think love means having a black eye every morning, and trying to blame the kitchen cupboard. Others find love in far of places, like London, and then dream their whole lives about getting that person or love closer.

I have for many years believed that Love is an Utopian emotion. It is such a strong and all consuming emotion, that when you have achieved love in its purest form, you will be filled so much, and you will want for nothing else, and you will expire.

But of course nobody has experienced that yet, because we are all still here. So until that day, we all experience different levels of love and different types of love that works for us.