Its been a while

Since I wrote anything, so here is a mini update on what is happening in my life, love and mental state:

I was in Johannesburg last week for business, got sick on the last day and came home early. Now the company does not want to pay for me changing my ticket, as I could have stayed in Johannesburg and seen a doctor there. I hate them....

Have been off sick for three days, in bed with flu (not the farm animal type) and am back at work ans still feeling crap.

Tristan is sort of better, but still gets headaches on and off, and it really worries me.

I miss my family and friends more and more every time I go up to see them.

Today I am going to UCT (University of Cape Town) to deliver about six pairs of jeans to be redistributed to poorer communities. Yes I get Levi vouchers in return for them, but I will never use those vouchers, as it is a small discount on a very big amount charged for jeans. (Price R650 - Discount R100)....not really worth it.

I am so excited for our trip at the end of the year, that I am praying time away so I can get to then, and I have a feeling when I come back, I need to make a very big change in my life - Watch this space!!!

Work is stressfull as usual, but I had a very sad realisation last week while driving around in Joburg. I don't want to be doing this same shit when I am 40. Still trying to find 20 new business appointments every week, still going to see them and trying to get them to use our hotels when they travel to Cape Town, still pounding the pavement with a sales rep attitude and trying to be upbeat about it.

All in all, its not a very good state of mind at the moment. the one and only thing keeping me going is the fact that I am doing something very amazing at the end of the year.

Philosophy Friday

As I sit here preparing for my trip to Johannesburg next week, I think about people around me and in my life. People have this set picture in their mind of how things must happen and should happen (including me) and it almost NEVER works that way. So what do we do, should we stop dreaming, should we stop hoping for a better life. That would be like stopping being human. Which a friend asked me about yesterday. Knowing all the things we go through and the feelings we experience, do you wish you were not human.

I believe we have to constantly dream and constantly strive to higher and better. Don't give up because others tell you to. And as for the human thing, I would not change all the feelings, experiences, hurt, laughter for anything in the world.

I dream

I wish

I hope

I love

I cry

I live

Memories of another life

We have a local radio station that has a slot every night where the DJ plays 30min of non stop dance music. I always catch this on my way home from gym and last night my favourite DJ ever, DJ Euphonic, played an amazing set. It brought back so many good memories. Memories of a little place called Therapy Lite, outside with the stars shining above. Of a funky girl called Coco, of dancing innocently until the small hours of the day. Of driving my blue jeep, of Graham and Carl and Christmas lunches. A time of reckless flirting and then going home. Of Ann the lesbian / straight girl who slept with my boyfriend. Of Burnam Business College. A time of innocence and of fun. A time I want to be back in because it was such a good time of my life. However, I know it is impossible to have that back, even if I went back to Johannesburg and hooked up with these people again. I will never get it back. It was a time and a place and a section of my life, and it will never be the same again, and I will never get it back again.

So I will concentrate on my life right now, which is pretty good...

People in your life

All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts.

These words by William Shakespeare have never been more true. I was told by a friend a few days ago how she was taught that every single person in your life, relationships both romantic or otherwise, happen with one goal in mind. The people involved in your life are all there to teach you something about life or about yourself. They have lessons that you have to learn about life. They each have a part to play in your life and when that part is done, they move on. Sometimes the part they play is longer than usual and they stay for much longer.

I have had many of these people in my life, and have taken what I can from the experience. I suggest that we all live life in such a way that you learn everything you can from people in your life. They might have loads to teach you.

Life with a "Do Over"

Last night on a TV program, it was remarked that someone wished life came with a "do over", implying that they want to change things that has happened in the past. I don't want or need a do over. According to me, everything in your life happens for a reason that is not visible to you right at that moment, but it is for the greater good and works towards something else later on in your life. Yes, of course not everything is nice and good and great, but even those hurtful things are there for a reason. Like my sisters accident. Yes it was a very hurtful and trying time in my, and our lives, but if it wasn't for that, she would never have met her husband and I would never have had a beautiful niece. As for all the breakups I went through in my life. They were heart wrenching, but if it weren't for them, I would never have met Tristan. God has a plan for us, and everything falls into his plan. It might not always fall into our plan but he knows best. So no do overs for me thank you, I need all the happiness, pain, crying and laughter that has been in my life. Its what has made me who I am today and put me in touch with some amazing people I have met.

Craig Ewert

This week in Switzerland:

Craig Ewert, a 59 year old man went to a clinic called Dignitas in Switzerland, and decided to die. Dignitas is a clinic where they assist you and your family to commit suicide. Its an assisted suicide clinic. Craig was suffering from motor neurone disease, which is a disease that attacks the neurons which control your motoring skills, including speech, walking, eating etc. He felt that his quality of life was becoming unbearable, and decided to end it.

As usual there are a few issues here that bug me.

How far will Switzerland go to show they are a neutral, new aged country. Do they have to be objective about EVERYTHING. How can they allow clinics that help people to kill themselves to exist. I think its time to put the record straight here. YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER YOUR LIFE. Your life is mapped out by a much greater Mind than yours, and you have no right to change that. Then there is the issue of healing. I can only speak of my own life, and if my family had lived in Switzerland, where it is legal for doctors to kill you, my sister would not be with us today, as she was declared dead in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Imagine what we would have lost. Instead she fought, we fought and the doctors fought for her life, but ultimately, God decided.

There is a need to digress here for a minute. This morning a woman phoned into a local radio station about this, and remarked, like most happy housewives with zero problems, how selfish and cowardly it is to take your own life. You choose the easy way out, and that is cowardly. Again, having been exposed to this situation directly, I don't believe there is anything cowardly about putting a gun to your temple and blowing your brains out, or driving for km's so you can hang from a rope in a tree and slowly watch your life drain away. I can not do it, and that is because I am a coward. I think taking your own life is the least cowardly thing.

My biggest issue in assisted suicides and living wills are that you can say what you want to and do what you want to, in the end it is not up to you. It is pure Inshallah that decides your fate. So go ahead and fly to Switzerland, but if it is not your time, the poison will not work, or they will turn the machine off and you will breath by yourself.

A good life lesson on a Wednesday

When things in your life seem

Almost too much to handle,

When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,

Remember the mayonnaise jar

And 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class And had some items in

front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly,

He picked up a very largeand empty mayonnaise jar

And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students

If the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the

jar. He shook the jar lightly.

The pebbles rolled into the open

Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked

The students again

If the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand

And poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded

With an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced

Two cups of coffee from under the table

And poured the entire contents

Into the jar, effectively

Filling the Empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor,

As the laughter subsided,

"I want you to recognize that

This jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children,

health,

Friends, and Favourite passions -- Things that if everything else was

lost And only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter Like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else -- The small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first,

"He continued, "there is no room for

The pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time

And energy on the small stuff,

You will never have room for

The things that are

Important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things

That are critical to your happiness.

Play With your children.

Take time to get medical checkups.

Take your partner out to dinner.

Play another 18.

There will always be time

To clean the house

And fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first --

The things that really matter.

Set your priorities.

The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand

And inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.

"I'm glad you asked".

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,

there's always room for A couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Spinning away

I feel like my life is spinning at high speed, like a merry go round and I am holding on for dear life, trying to see something or someone on the outside, but only get glimpses of them as I speed past.

I feel like I am constantly walking around in a dream world, and this is not real.

I feel like things are out of control, or my control.

I feel like my fingers are slipping of the railings and pretty soon I am going to be flung across the floor, scraping my arms and legs and bleeding with pain.

I need to stop the spinning.

The old Phone on the Wall

When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.

Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was "Information Please" and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anyone's number and the correct time.

My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy.

I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. "Information, please" I said into the mouthpiece just above my head.

A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.

"Information."

"I hurt my finger..." I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience.

"Isn't your mother home?" came the question.
"Nobody's home but me," I blubbered.
"Are you bleeding?" the voice asked.
"No," I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."
"Can you open the icebox?" she asked.
I said I could.
"Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice.
After that, I called "Information Please" for everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math.
She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.
Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called,
Information Please," and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?"
She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, "Wayne always remember that there are other worlds to sing in."
Somehow I felt better.
Another day I was on the telephone, "Information Please."
"Information," said in the now familiar voice. "How do I spell fix?" I asked.
All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much. "Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me..
Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.
A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle. I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, "Information Please."
Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.
"Information."
I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying, "Could you please tell me how to spell fix?"
There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess your finger must have healed by now."
laughed, "So it's really you," I said. "I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?"
I wonder," she said, "if you know how much your call meant to me.
I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls."
I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.
"Please do", she said. "Just ask for Sally."
Three months later I was back in Seattle.. A different voice answered,
"Information." I asked for Sally.
"Are you a friend?" she said.
"Yes, a very old friend," I answered.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this," she said. "Sally had been working part-time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago."
Before I could hang up she said, "Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne?" "Yes." I answered.
"Well, Sally left a message for you.. She wrote it down in case you called.
Let me read it to you."
The note said, "Tell him there are other worlds to sing in.
He'll know what I mean."
I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.
Never underestimate the impression you may make on others.
Whose life have you touched today?
Lifting you on eagle's wings. May you find the joy and peace you long for.
Life is a journey .. NOT a guided tour.

Dark Night

There is a saying, (from that ever wise man - Batman) 'the night is always darkest just before the light'. If this is the case, then I am expecting one hell of a bright flash when the sun rises again. Yesterday and today has been very trying. I found out yesterday that my company was in fact not closing down, they are just retrenching me, due to financial constraints. I realise its a business decision, but that doesn't make it better. I feel like crawling into a hole and staying there for a while. Naturally, I don't have another job yet, so after today, which is my last day, I am at home waiting for some good news, as I have applied to something. So it is very appropriate that today is so misty that you can't see in front of you. That is how I feel today. I can see this other job right in front of me, but it is not clear and I can only see it when I get right up to it. If I make a mistake here, like on the road in the mist, it can cause me to make an accident and crash!!

I love metaphors.....So needless to say, I might not be posting so often for the next few weeks, as I will not have access to a computer.

And now it is off to search for a job, while I waiter in Manhattans again, at age 32....God sure knows how to humble a bloke!!

Glorious morning

Woke up this morning feeling sorry for myself again, as I usually do when I wake up alone. Got dressed and ready for work, and as I walked outside, I got greeted by these amazing sites in the sky. Almost like God was telling me to stop feeling sorry for myself and see what he has given me for today!!!

40 Tips for a better Life

Courtesy of Richard Arthur

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.
3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.'
5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2007.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, tai chi, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of70 and under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink green tea and plenty of water.. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.
14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like college kid with a maxed out charge card.
17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.
18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
26. Forgive everyone for everything.
27. What other people think of you is none of your business.
28. Time heals almost everything.
29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
33. The best is yet to come.
34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
35. Do the right thing!
36. Call your family often. (Or email them to death!!!) 37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.
38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.
40. Forward to everyone you care about.

Wasted time

"So much of human life is wasted in waiting..."

A quote from a new release movie, but rings so true to me. We are so constantly waiting for the perfect person, the perfect job, the prefect house, the prefect car, that our lives go past us without us even partaking in it. Most of us are so buy waiting around that we cant see the beauty in what we have. Yes sometimes it pays to wait a little longer, but don't wait too long. If we had waited in Knysna, we would never have been together.

Stop waiting for something to happen to you, go out there and make it happen!!!

Life is special

I sometimes take life for granted. I complain about the most basic and silly things, like I cant go out for dinner four times this month, or I cant buy a new pair of jeans. But I never stop to think and say thank you that I am still alive, that I have been born and am here. A girl in our office fell pregnant after being married for a few months, so they had this euphoric thing going on already and now she is pregnant, with another human being growing inside her. Well from the first scan it is only a dot, so she has a little dot growing inside her. Yesterday she went for her second scan and found out the dot stoped growing at 6 weeks. Its dead and no more. Today she is in hospital having it removed. It is extremely sad and discerning that life can end just as quickly as it had begun. I cant even imagine what kind of stress and pain she is going through, physically, mentally and emotionally. She was so excited. Life is so precious and we must cherish it every day. We must be glad to be alive and be thankful to be here.

Live well

Love much

Laugh often

The lives we touch

We all go through life everyday doing things we do, saying things we say, and not caring about what happens after we have done these things, or said these words. I for one have always said that I say what I feel or think, and if someone doesn't like it, its their problem. I am a free thinking, free speaking individual that has my own thoughts and actions. But what if the things we say and do really influence others in a way that is irreparable. What if the Butterfly effect was real, and our actions spiral into a major event with global consequences? I cant believe that much, but what I do believe, is my actions affect those around me. If I sleep away from home one night, my dogs get unsettled, if I say something to a friend, about a friend, they will form an opinion of this friend. So maybe I can learn to just think before I do something, or just think before I say something. I wont change the world, and I will still be a free thinking, free speaking individual, but one with a far reaching, moral and social conscious. I like that.

L.C.E.

Sometimes things happen in your life that can be defined as Life Changing Experiences (LCE). If you are lucky, these LCE's are not preceded by a traumatic or life threatening incident. However, in most instances, this is the case. It can be something like being diagnosed with cancer, or by surviving a near death experience. Its then that you start to rethink your life and appreciate it more. Sometimes, with a select few, it is something much more traumatic, en sometimes even death that changes not only your life, but that of your family, friends and surroundings dramatically. You could be driving along to see a friend in recovery and sue to an accident, have your mother die in the car you were driving. You could be on your way to school, and due to a reckless driver, be disabled for the rest of your life. Its now that you start to think about your life, and how you are wasting it. You make dramatic changes and start living a more productive and 'clean' life. What you don't realise immediately, is how it affects your relationships, lifestyle and way of thinking for ever. It alters everything you ever knew and believed about yourself and you will never be the same again. So why do we have to wait for LCE's before we re-look our lives and make the changes we need to. Take life by the horns and start to make those changes for the better without having to loose someone you care for, or even worse, before you loose yourself.

New life

The rain that fell today, washes the world clean and makes way for new life. New things to happen and new adventures. The rain makes it all fresh and new. So its fitting that the rain also makes space for new life to grow in my soul. Maybe its like a flower that blooms for a few days and then starts to wither, maybe its like a tree that grows and lives and will be around forever. Whatever it is, I will appreciate it for the beauty it brings in my life and the joy it creates for now. If it lasts then there is much to appreciate, if it withers, then at least I had the few moments of new life and excitement in my life. The new rain brings new life.

Let it rain down

Let it Be

Today is not a sunshine day. The mist covers the sea and shoreline like a mysterious blanket covering the dirt and dilapidated house underneath it. There are things you can not change in your life, things that make you want to sit down and cry and not stop for a long time, but you cant. You cant sit down and cry because there is no time to do so. So you do the best you can, and you cover the dirt with the misty blanket and keep on going, because you are strong, aren't you. When these unchangeable things happen you just have to rise above it and in the words of the Legendary Beatles....Let it be.