Supper

Had a really good supper with some friends last night. Food was good as usual and the conversation was very interesting and at times enlighten. As with this particular ex party couple, the conversation turned to addicts and addictions, and one of the ex party goers was speaking about how the program they are in, doesn't speak about or mention drugs being bad, its more about the relationship you have with it, and your addiction to it that is dealt with. I have a bit of a problem with that (time for me to get onto my soapbox). There is nothing that anybody can say or do that makes drugs ok. It is an evil thing that destroys lives and kills people. The effects of drugs not only ruin your life, but also that of those around you. You might think you are shit cool when you are out of your mind, and you might think it is ok and people like you, but the reality of it all is.....you are a tosser. You act like a bastard, you think only of yourself (but not hard enough coz you are busy killing your braincells and your body), and in fact you are the furthest away from cool, that you can ever be. And by the way...just because EVERYBODY is doing it, and EVERYBODY thinks they are shit hot, doesn't make it so.....

Share

Last night was a very emotional night. A very close friend had an anniversary for clean for a year. I made my way to me second ever NA meeting, and it was emotionally charged form the first minute. My friend shared about her life and where she is now and others shared about their experiences. I felt so unbelievably lucky. Lucky because I have never experienced the harsh situations they were in, and lucky because I was sitting in a room full of people who had all at some stage of their lives been in such a dark and dangerous place, but have somehow come out of that and realised they have a problem, and were busy fixing it. Not many people get to that realisation in their lives. Most of us go through our entire lives thinking "that's so normal". I am just so blessed to have my friend around in such a sober state, because there is so much I can take in of her in this state and she is such an amazing person that you just want to be with her all the time.

I love you, and Congratulations on such an amazing milestone!!!

The Additction

If there is one thing I have learnt from the friends I have in the fellowship, it is that the addiction is even present in people who don't take drugs or drink. The disease is the addiction, what you are addicted to, is just the way of expressing that addiction. So I find myself more and more concerned about this, and wonder if I should just come right out and say I have an addiction. But am I ready to take responsibility for what comes after that and what constitutes an addiction. I think I need to investigate all these things a little more. Besides, I believe we all have some sort of addiction at some stage or form in our lives.....

Fight the urge!!!!